When I lived in New York City I could see New Jersey from my window. I could also see the Chrysler building and the Empire State Building.

I suppose that makes me an authority on New Jersey and tall buildings that change color at night. It also makes me exceptional.

You know how I know this? Sarah Palin told me so. The VP hopeful assures us all that we are exceptional (my mom must have called her first). She also told me (and you) that a visual panorama is the perfect anecdote to authority. If I can see therefore I am – an expert.

Of course that theory never worked well for me with men. Although I could see my last boyfriend from afar (and up close) it did not make me an expert on his personality, his intimacy issues, gambling problems or his temper. It also did not assure me that I would have bargaining power or negotiating ability with him. It did, however, make me an expert on Polo shirts and vodka (perhaps I can rule Russia).

Unlike Palin I do not have children, nor do I have a baby who is having a baby. I do have a cat though, but my parenting skills must be sub par because my kitty has yet to come home pregnant. We do have talks about abstinence, so perhaps I am a better mother than Palin (and perhaps would be a better world leader).

As far as shooting animals from a plane, I could not compete with this modern day Annie Oakley. As a pacifist I cannot kill living things (the guilt would kill me being Jewish and all). I once killed a frog that jumped into my living room and I felt like I should turn myself into the authorities (that is what Yom Kippur is for).

As far as God orchestrating the war in Iraq, I don’t agree with Palin’s view here either. I know God has better things to do (evolution for one) than to want us to fight in a Muslim country that has been bickering for years (therapy may be a better option).

If God has spare time to oversee a war and fund Wall Street excess, then perhaps he (or she) might have time to accompany me to Neiman Marcus. After all, philosophers have been saying for years that God wants what’s best for his children. If that’s the case, then why would he (or she) fund a war when there are so many amazing blazers at Neiman Marcus that would fit me perfectly and cost less than a war?

As far as pork I do not eat the stuff (nor would I want my constituents to pay for a bridge to nowhere). I think spare ribs are fine if you have the proper sauce, but a steady diet of pork is not good for anyone. Palin says she will eliminate Pork, but I know for sure a family of five will always resort to roasting a pig on Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Palin has also been cavorting with world leaders and calling herself a foreign policy expert. Well, truth be told, I have hobnobbed with famous actors, musicians and writers, but that has yet to make me a Grammy or Pulitzer prize winner. Nancy Kissinger and I once had a heart-to-heart about pantsuits and I am still not qualified to marry Henry. I also interviewed Chris Evert yet I cannot make the claim that I can knock a tennis ball over Long Island Sound.

But Sarah and I do have some common ground. We will both have hot flashes and whiskers sprouting from our chins. We will also look into the mirror and wonder where our lipstick has gone. And, we will occasionally see our waistbands expand proportionately to the amount of chocolate cake and ice cream we inhale.

Other than that, I think Mrs. Palin is out of her league (unless you’re talking about bowling). And there are others who agree with me. Conservative columnist Kathleen Parker is one of them. Parker, who was smitten with Palin earlier in the year, said the Alaska governor is "out of her league" and should leave the GOP presidential ticket for the good of the party.

I couldn’t agree more – especially if you’re going to outlaw pork.